We get what we tolerate. (it begins and ends with you)

Reflecting on my experiences with challenging relationships, I’ve come to understand the profound truth in the saying, “We get what we tolerate.”Enduring narcissistic, sociopathic, and selfish behaviors not only inflicts deep emotional pain but also perpetuates a cycle where such conduct becomes normalized.

By allowing these negative behaviors to persist, we inadvertently become enablers, reinforcing the very actions that harm us. Tolerating disrespect or abuse sends a message that such treatment is acceptable, leading to its continuation.

It’s crucial to recognize that setting boundaries even if only starting small and keeping those boundaries like a brick wall, it’s an act of self-respect. By refusing to condone harmful behavior, we protect our well-being and signal that we deserve better. This not only disrupts the cycle of abuse but also fosters healthier relationships.

Will you miss the person who you HAVE to hold them accountable for overstepping those boundaries and that may mean shutting them out of your life, breaking up with them, ghosting them, or even confronting them. Or maybe even harder walking away from them completely. The answer is yes you probably will miss them. The pain of how much you cared and tried to fit the problems that ultimately they caused, the unresolved issues that they have not dealt with from previous relationships or childhood. How many times you tried to fix it for them or help lead them. No matter how hard you tried. Letting them overstep your boundaries, always felt like stabbing yourself with a knife and turning in a little each time, you reflect on those boundaries being crossed. Brick by brick they take down the boundaries.

What you left with is an unhealthy relationship. With an abusive and or unhealthy person. Where is your integrity? You ask yourself who are you? Why are you letting this happen why won’t it get better. You know the answer. Setting the boundaries and knowing the right boundaries to set. Knowing how to be safe. Knowing who to return to, and understanding the best path. Is where you start.

In my journey, I’ve learned that embracing self-worth and establishing firm boundaries are essential steps toward healing and building meaningful connections. We must remember that the standards we set determine the quality of relationships we attract. You want a quality partner are you on a quality path? Do you want a better relationship with your family? But you’re not willing to lose them if they can’t give you that of what you need, Then you won’t have it.

Live in your truth be true to yourself and all the people who are beneath your quality level will either step up step out, step aside or you’ll tell them to step off. Each step you take holds meaning.

And this is when things begin to align and your path gets clear.

Clear away the debris and you will see a path that’s perfect for you and the ones who you thought you had to please can go on to give somebody else a learning experience or misery.

Sometimes taking your lessons and walking away is better than closure. True closure is knowing that you learned something even if it’s an ugly truth, learning the lesson is the reason why that person was placed in your life. It may not be fair but how long you endure is your choice.

all excuses aside it’s your choice.

You make the call…

Nicole Quantz

(412)818-4401